The B Files

This... is the B Files. This is a place where stories of your very own Triple B shall be told. The idea sprang forth from this because, well, there seems to be more than a few of you out there that were interested in what exactly it is that Brad Millar does, and seem to enjoy his stories. So here, Triple B, Brad Fucking Millar, will post stories about himself and his life. Also, as some of you have read before, a few of Brad's AIM conversations are kind of funny. So, it's possible those will get slapped here too...

"This is a converation online between me and my roommate. He was at his parent's house at the time..."

Triple B: Dude
Kurt: dude
Triple B: The ceiling in the laundry room caved in.
Kurt: wha?????
Triple B: Yeah. The hot water heater from upstairs fell through.
Kurt: really??
Triple B: No.

ProbablySworeAtYou (11:46:33 PM): My nipples drip in the cold weather like hot chocolate from mint trees

Auto Response from thevikingking (11:46:33 PM): I found a reason for me....
To change who I used to be...
A reason to start over new...
And the reason is little chocolate donuts.

ProbablySworeAtYou (3:40:46 AM): work homo work lol
ProbablySworeAtYou (3:40:54 AM): Have a good one home fry

Snippets of an AIM conversation in the first sober moment I've had in a week. There seems to be more venom in my sayings than normal.

ICan'tTellYouL: nig nog
thevikingking: tic toc
ICan'tTellYouL: dude i made out with a fat chick wll night
thevikingking: lol
thevikingking: awesome?
ICan'tTellYouL: whjat is that about
ICan'tTellYouL: nuh uh im nots ure
thevikingking: Hey man...
thevikingking: bear's hungry. he's gonna eay
thevikingking: eat
ICan'tTellYouL: good point thats what i was feeling but it was kinda embarrasing too
thevikingking: why?
thevikingking: did you do it on the coffee table?
ICan'tTellYouL: no but in the bathroom hallway where everybody was walking by
thevikingking: my friend christian mojindero told me once, "pussy dont have a face"
thevikingking: Then you shouldnt have done it in the hallway, you voyeur
thevikingking: You should have took a cookie, lured that bitch outside...
thevikingking: Bent her over the picnic table and showed her what lunch is all about
thevikingking: That is by far, the single best thing I have said or written in the last week.
ICan'tTellYouL: dude you havent been alive in the last week
thevikingking: Case in point
thevikingking: I have gotten more messages from people int he last week, then like... ever.
thevikingking: That fucking line is going in the B Files... for shizzle.
ICan'tTellYouL: which line
thevikingking: The fat bitch line
ICan'tTellYouL: lol oh shit
thevikingking: Come on, that was good.
thevikingking: With the possibility that you love this chick, and are going to marry her..... As long as THAT isnt the case, and it was just a case of the munchies, I think that you were laughing
ICan'tTellYouL: no she goes to state, so ill never see her agian
thevikingking: Like two passing ships in the night....
thevikingking: Sigh
ICan'tTellYouL: trust me im not disappointed, beyond the blowjob i deserved and didnt get
thevikingking: You put in your time... you took the classes, passed the tests... next time, you tell her that Professor Brad said to suck that cock, or I'm gonna flunk her twice. Once for each ton.
thevikingking: Booyah

Then I said some stuff. And I come back to this...

ICan'tTellYouL: have you gone to work this week?
thevikingking: Nope. I quit.
ICan'tTellYouL: ive been drinking since tuesday cuz i missed you
thevikingking: lol
thevikingking: Now... THAT's a lie

Another AIM conversation. This was the entire thing. This guy is A GUY.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: OH I am sexy
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: OH yeah
thevikingking: Oh boy.
thevikingking: One sec. Gotta take out the dog.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: Okay
thevikingking: back
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: sweet how are you sexy?
thevikingking: How am I sexy? I was born that way.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: LOL
thevikingking: You're a sick, sad man.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: No I am sick happy man booya
thevikingking: Same difference
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: no sad is :-( and happy is :-)
thevikingking: Your sad face looks high.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: LOL No I thought my happy face did HAHAH
thevikingking: Um.... I actually meant to write happy...
thevikingking: but for some reason I typed sad.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: Cause you are a sad weird man
thevikingking: Eh.
thevikingking: It's in my contract.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: lol

Snippet of an AIM Conversation. I don't think he got the joke...
KnowsAllYourIPAddresses: sorry i was playing the drums downstairs
thevikingking: Yeah. That's what I call it too.

So this is a story I've shared before, but I don't think I gave the whole thing, and it's been awhile, and I was thinking about it today, and I really wanted to make a run-on sentance, so here it is. Last winter I was out at a lady friend's house, and spent the night. When I woke up in the morning, I took a shower first, and used the last of the shampoo. I got yelled at for that. She said that I shouldn't have used it all. My defense was twofold. One; why do you wait until you're out of shampoo before you get more, and two; How am I supposed to know that it's the last until I pour it out? Well, she found one of those hotel bottles of shampoo somewhere, so that was settled. About a half hour later, she comes down the stairs and starts putting on her jacket and boots and such. She looks at me, fully dressed, watching TV on the couch. So, she asked me "Are you gonna sit there, or help me shovel the snow?" I took a breath, looked up from the TV and said with a straight face "My name's not on the mailbox." That went over well, and I was answered with a stomp and slam of the door. So, after sitting there laughing for about ten minutes or so, I got my stuff on and went outside. She had the sidewalk done, and had started on the driveway. So, I asked her where the shovels were. She just pointed in the garage. I grabbed one, and asked where she wanted me to start. She pointed on the other side of the driveway. I noticed a smirk on her face, so, I got a shovelfull and asked where she wanted it, in the grass or street. She said "In the gr..." and I threw it right in her face. She threw her shovel at me and started to say as she wiped her eyes out "WHY DID YOU..." and I picked her up and tossed her in a snow bank. She rolled over on her butt and sat there, watching, as I did a moonwalk on the sidewalk, and started chanting "I'M BAD! I'M BAD!" She looked up at me with snow dripping off her face and hat, and said "I hate you." So I stopped. And, with a sad look in my face, I said "Really?" Then, I cheered up and shouted "But you sure love this!" and I jumped on top of her and started humping her in the snow. It was at this time, as she is laying there, laughing her snow covered ass off, when I hear an "Oh dear!" I look up, and see BLANK's elderly neighbor standing on her stoop with some kid, getting him ready to shovel her driveway. So, I stop, look at her and shout out "Hey, you want me to plow YOUR driveway?" and I wink at her. She waved her hands in the air and went back inside. I guess she didn't like what she saw...

Here's some random pictures I found on my camera...

This is from last weekend. The weekend of 4/16. I was wearing a jacket that someone had on, that was about... oh... five sizes too small. So, much to the shegrin of the people around me, I flexed and ripped it.

This is the lady that slipped it away from the guy who had it, who then gave the jacket to me. Since then, I found out her name is Amanda. I didn't remember.

I then did some sort of Elvis manuever. I... really don't know...

This is a picture from me on Karen's birthday LAST year in July. That's odd. If the picture was taken with MY phone, who's phone am I on? I have no idea... Notice I wasn't sporting the goatee at that point. Same haircut though...

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSlimShady: My nipples are like milk duds... my milk duds are in my mouth.... ohhhhh

Alright, here's a good one from this weekend, since it's fresh in my brain. So, as some of you know, I went down to Monmouth this weekend, where the frat rented out two houses up in Galena, Illinois. Well, I got down there Friday Night, where we went to a Lucky Boys Confusion concert, then the band came over to the bar we were at to drink, so that was a good time. Ended up talking with one of the guitarists, Adam for awhile. I made him laugh. Apparently I'm good at that. So, Saturday morning some of us got up early and drove up to pick up the kegs and get the houses ready, so we had the place to ourselves for a few hours, which was nice. Grilled some steaks, tapped the kegs, good times. Anyway, fast forward to about 3 in the morning. There aren't many people left standing, maybe a dozen or so out of the I'd say fifty that came up. Well, my bed had somehow been commendered, and I didn't feel like beating the crap out of anyone, so I went to go put my bag in my car, when it hit me: I want a bed. So, tanked out of my mind, I drove to the hotel down the street and checked in. Well, the next morning (which in reality, was only about six hours later) I wake up, half dressed in bed. I hear the shower running, so I start thinking "Did... I get a hooker?" So, I go investigate. Apparently, I just turned the shower on for no reason the night before. Well, I check my phone, and I've got 12 missed calls and 6 messages which start out along the lines of "Hey, we just got up, so whichever house your at, we're at the party house..." and go into "Are you alive? Did you go home? WTF?" Well, I called and told them what happened, then get cleaned up and leave. The hooker part was the highlight, except the fact that as I was leaving I knocked over my bottle of shampoo, so there was about a one-foot round white spot in the middle of the room. Now the cleaning lady will think I got a hooker too...

SmartA$$: how is cruci coming?
thevikingking: I've jerked CR off nicely, so I think it will be coming soon.
SmartA$$: lol
thevikingking: Yeah, I thought that was good.
SmartA$$: lol

OneOfTheBrits: g2g in a sec
thevikingking: ok
thevikingking: I might... pass out on the computer...
OneOfTheBrits: lol
thevikingking: Which let me tell you... is a REAL turnon when the women folk walk in the door and find you asleep at the keyboard with AIM open, the porn box oddly sitting on the couch, and a bottle of KY Jelly sitting on the TV. thevikingking: Which can easily be explained away...
thevikingking: As... I was moving the box to put anniverery presents in the closet...
thevikingking: The KY is sitting there because I was shining patent leather shoes...
thevikingking: ANd I passed out at the computer composing a touching and sincere love letter to her.
OneOfTheBrits: or elves did it
thevikingking: Damn elves and their hijinks...
thevikingking: There are no elves in America.
thevikingking: They stayed on the island when the Pilgrims came over.
thevikingking: The put rats in their place.
thevikingking: Fucking rats.
OneOfTheBrits: lol
OneOfTheBrits: im thinking of taking venom in a new direction im just not sure of where, nething you can think of
thevikingking: He should start fucking random chicks for no reason.
OneOfTheBrits: im not taking the mick but i was going to ahve an angle lol
thevikingking: That made no sense.
thevikingking: But then again... the screen is blurry.
OneOfTheBrits: i was gonna have an angle with some of the fh women
thevikingking: I spread all the KY Jelly all over the screen...
thevikingking: It's all hazzy...
thevikingking: Wow... Gwen Steffani is annoying looking right now..
OneOfTheBrits: lol
thevikingking: I want to beat her with a Crimson
thevikingking: Give her a Crimson Eye
OneOfTheBrits: im thinking of starting an angle with ric thunder
thevikingking: Yeah?
thevikingking: Not to change the subjext, but when Gwen puts her finger up to her mouth to "Sssh" it is kind of sexy.
thevikingking: Maybe I will rethink my previous smacking her with my Crimson in the eye...
OneOfTheBrits: lol
thevikingking: I'll stick it in her ear.
thevikingking: Chicks like that.
thevikingking: This shit is bananas
thevikingking: I hear my dog. He too wants to hump Gwen.
thevikingking: It must be REALLY early in the morning.
OneOfTheBrits: lol
OneOfTheBrits: its 11:07 am here
thevikingking: It's 5 in the morning here.
thevikingking: In the real world.
thevikingking: Not your Elf Candyland you Fucking Brits have...
thevikingking: Cops with no guns...
thevikingking: Hoes with no VD....
thevikingking: You're in a CRAZY WORLD MAN!
OneOfTheBrits: criminals with no guns, kids with no guns, drunks with no guns, dogs with no guns tragic man
thevikingking: I might not have a gun, but I'm always packing.
thevikingking: BOOYAH! Where the fuck is Vox when I need him...
thevikingking: 50 Cent is a handsome man.
OneOfTheBrits: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
thevikingking: Too bad he's a bullet magnet.
thevikingking: Woah... did I THINK that, or type it...
thevikingking: shit...
thevikingking: I thought I was talking out loud?
thevikingking: Maybe I should go to bed....
OneOfTheBrits: maybe u should
thevikingking: But I came here to party.
thevikingking: Liek taht y'all.
OneOfTheBrits: lol
thevikingking: Something about Bacardi
thevikingking: And Tamale.
OneOfTheBrits: yeash
thevikingking: No tears.
thevikingking: Sing it Mariah!
thevikingking: Man, I haven't watched MTV in ages.
thevikingking: Now I know why...
thevikingking: This is stupider than Running Man earlier.
thevikingking: At least THAT had Jesse Ventura and Arnold in it...
thevikingking: Alright... I'm gonna finish my Hardcore match, then order this knife set that cuts through boots.
thevikingking: The TV says I need them
thevikingking: And I am tired enough to believe TV.
thevikingking: TV hasn't lied to me yet.
OneOfTheBrits: y would u want to cut through boots
thevikingking: WHY WOULDN'T YOU!?!?!
thevikingking: Man... boots would FEAR me.
thevikingking: You know what a pussy boot is?
thevikingking: Booties.
thevikingking: HA!
OneOfTheBrits: you have problems
OneOfTheBrits: problems rule woooooooo
thevikingking: Oh yeah. It's how I roll baby.
thevikingking: Alright. I'm gonna stop. Telemundo has Japanese music videos... I must watch...
thevikingking: They call me...
thevikingking: Apparently a roof is on fire somewhere...
thevikingking: and yet, they need no water.
thevikingking: Somebody's mother is gonna burn?
thevikingking: Odd song...
OneOfTheBrits: i know it, it sucks
thevikingking: Those crazy Latinos.
thevikingking: Or.. Japs?
thevikingking: I have no clue.
thevikingking: AH! It's the Kumbia Kings.
thevikingking: Great kids. Grew up with them on the mean streets of... Venice?
thevikingking: I have nothing. I'm out.
thevikingking: Later dude
OneOfTheBrits: cyaz