11/11 HEAT REBEAK
BLOGGIN IT UP: Holy crap. I got picked up by another website to do these recaps. WrestlingPeeps.net is going to post my HEAT and Velocity recaps. They have a link to us on the main page, so look for one to pop up on ours.
PRE-HEAT: Alright, basically, I do a play by play and toss in whatever I'm feeling at that moment. I also make up nicknames for the wrestlers before they come out. I'll explain it as I go along. I've been known to drop an F Bomb or fifty, more likely then not on HEAT. You're probably gonna feel my disdain at HEAT. Velocity is about 1000 times better then HEAT on average. Mostly because Viscera has a tendancy to crap up my computer for an hour every week on HEAT. Wait.... I clicked play. OHMYGOD! START TYPING!
THE FIRST MATCH ACTUALLY MAY GIVE ME HOPE
Out first is RAW'S #1 JOBBER is Tajiri. HIs opponent is SOMEBODY TEACH ME HOW TO NOT SUCK is Matt Striker. We start out with a lockup, and exchanging of some headlocks and waistlocks. Striker with a hairpull takedown on Tajiri, puts the boots to him and picks him up and hits a backdrop suplex. Weak "ECDUB" chant in the crowd. Striker apparently has had enough of Tajiri, according to Coach. Striker has Tajiri back up, and hits a Northern Lights suplex. Nice. Striker with a knee drop and a front facelock. Lord knows we need a rest hold now. Tajiri up, holding Striker's leg, and hits a leg takedown. Both men back up. Striker blocks a punch, and locks in this goofball submission move, where he has Tajiri in a stand facelock, and has Tajiri's leg between Striker's legs. Tajiri gets out of it, and powers Striker to the corner, for some Woo Chops. He also orders some Egg Rolls. Tajiri with some kicks to the head, then shoots Striker to the ropes, but Striker reverses it. Tajiri with the handspring back elbow and a spinning heel kick for two. Both men back up. Striker with a kick to the midsection and a swinging neckbreaker. Tajiri comes back with a kick to the side, and then gets the Taurantula. Tajiri sizes up Striker for the Kick More Powerful Then The Other Kicks, but Tajiri misses, and Striker rolls up Tajiri for the three count. That was better then a Striker match, but worse then a normal Tajiri match. Oh well.
Wrestlemania Boxed Set Commercial
THE SECOND MATCH, THAT BRINGS ME CLOSER TO VISCERA... SO SAD.
Out first is I FELL OFF THE ROPES, VADER MIGHT SUE ME FOR GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT is Eugene. He fell off the ropes. What a retard. His opponent already in the ring is I DRINK COLT 45s is Colt Cabana. They circle and lock up. Colt gets a wristlock, and is apparently happy about that, as he screams "yeahhhh!" alot. What a retard. Colt with a side headlock. Eugene shoots Colt to the ropes, Colt hops over, and Eugene rolls himsefl up in a ball in the middle of the ring. What a retard. Colt goes for an elbow drop, cause he doesn't think Eugene will move, but he does. What a retard. Eugene then starts to headbutt Colt on the mat, ala Junkyard Dog. Colt is up aftere Eugene pees on him, eats a drop toe kick, and Eugene rides him around like a horse. What a retard. Eugene picks Colt up and shoots him to the corner, but Colt hits a back elbow when Eugene charges in. Colt hits an elbow drop, picks Eugene up and hits a suplex for two. He goes for the cover again, cause it always works. Colt stomps down on Eugene, as the crowd boos him. Colt continues with some big rights, then smashes Eugene's head to the corner. Eugene is hulking up. What a retard. Eugene takes down Colt with three rights and a left. Picks Colt up for the windmill. Colt is dizzy and goes for a punch but misses. Eugene hits an atomic drop and a Rock Bottom for a three count. Eugene should start attempting Fingerpokes of Doom.
Snistky and Tomko are backstage. Snitsky: "Hey man, I like your boots." Tomko: " I like your... backne" Snitsky "Thanks man, it's a very common skin disorder." I think these two just saved their jobs for the next year.
Divas Uncovered commercial.
THIRD MATCH WITHOUT VISCERA
Wait. HEAT wouldn't be complete without a video package of RAW. Why couldn't they put this in the Viscera match? Sigh...
Out first is NICK IS NOT WHITE ENOUGH TO RIDE UP FRONT WITH ME is Kerwin White and NIck Nemeth. I still find it funny that he won't let Nick ride in the cart with him. Thier opponents are ALWAYS WHITE ENOUGH TO BUST A MOVE is The Hearthrobs. They are in the middle of their little schpeil in the ring, when Kerwin and Nick attack. We end up with Kerwin and Romeo in the ring. Kerwin has Romeo in the corner, putting the boots to him. Kerwin pulls Romeo's legs out, trying to slam him, but Romeo lands on his feet and yells "Aha!" Awesome. These guys I think were supposed to be heels, but they SHOULD be faces. Kerwin misses a clothesline, and Romeo hits an monkey arm drag. Nick is in, and eats a monkey arm drag too. Everyone in, and the Throbs both shoot Team Whitey to the ropes and dump them. Then they do pelvic thrusts in the ring. Is it gay that I like this? Don't answer that. Nick and Antonio back in, wait... they switched corners? Is that legal? Nick in contorl with punchery, shoots Antonio to the corner, but eats a back elbow when he charges in. Antonio with a springboard crossbody on Nick. Kerwin is in, but Antonio does pelvic thrusts, and Kerwin bails out of the ring. I love the Hearthrobs. In a hetero way. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Kerwin in, eats an armdrag from Antonio, who locks in an arm wringer and tags in Romeo. Double team arm wringer and chop to the chest. Romeo continues the assault on the arm. Shoots Kerwin to the corner, but Kerwin hits a shoulderblock when Romeo charges in. Romeo picked up by Kerwin, and Nick helps out, hitting a snake eyes while the ref is turned. Nick is in, with a leg chokehold, tags back out to Kerwin, who puts the boots to Romeo. Kerwin mocks the pelvic thrusts to boos. Boo Urns! Tag out to Nick, who starts yelling at Romeo. "Chavo Sucks" chant from the crowd. Nick still in control, but Romeo hits a blow to the midsection. Nick kicks him back down, powers him in the corner and tags in Kerwin. Kerwin with a snapmare and a facelock. Antonio trying to get the crowd into it. Romeo powers up, but Kerwin shoves out Antonio. Kerwin turns around, and Romeo goes for something, it misses, Kerwin runs into a boot from Antonio. Romeo hits a back body drop and tags in Antonio. Antonio with a clothesline to Kerwin, one to Nick, punches to Kerwin. Antonio shoots Kerwin to the ropes and hits a pancake. Both Throbs in with punches to Kerwin. Pelvic thrusts and they go to the ropes. Nick grabs Romeo and pulls him out. Antonio eats a pancake from Kerwin, with no syrup. Kerwin hits a brainbuster, but Grisham calls it a suplex. That gets a three count. Wow! Kerwin got his eye busted open pretty good. Looks swelled up.
Jake The Snake DVD Commercial.
NOW... YOUR MAIN EVENTAH
We already the recap. Sadly. I took this time to hypnotize myself, so whenever I see Viscera, I only see a large Teddy Bear handing out candy to children. Out first is IT'S NOT MY FAULT WE HAVEN'T TAGGED TOGETHER YET is Gene Snitsky and Tyson Tomko. Their opponents, who should lose on principal, is 798 POUNDS OF CRAP, AND VAL VENIS. Which is Viscera and Venis. The fans cheer them. Fuck you fans. I reserve my "Fuck" clause on this section. Viscera hugs a girl in the front row, who is all excited cause she wasn't eaten. Val gives his towel to a 7 year old. Tomko and Vis to start. Tomko shoves Vis, and Vis shoves Tomko out of the ring, so he lets Snitsky start out. Snitsky attempts to bodyslam Vis, but Vis can't move that high, so Snitsky eats a bodylsam of his own. Vis tags in Venis. Venis shoots Gene to the ropes, and hits a drop toe kick. Vis hits a big splash for a two count. Val covers again for two. Val gets Gene up. Blind tag to Tomko as Snitsky reverses a whip to the ropes, and double team spinebuster/clothesline by Gene and Tyson. That gets a two count. Looked kind of sweet too. Tyson with some punches and a suplex on Val, tags out to Gene. Double team whip to the ropes, and double team shoulder block for one. Gene with a bodyslam, then picks up Val for punchery. Gene with an elbow drop for two. Tag out to Tyson. Double team punchery on Val, and Tyson hits the walking powerslam for two. Tyson attempting for an abdominable stretch, gets it. Val powers out, and eats a forearm to the back. Tyson shoves Val to Gene, but Val hits a back elbow on Gene, and a clothesline on Tyson. Val trying for the hot tag, but Tyson has the leg. Val with the heel kick to the face, and tries to get to Vis. Gene has watched wrestling before, because he sprints in the ring, and hits Vis before the tag can be made, then picks up Val and goes for a slam, btu Vis is in and shoves Gene down. Vis hits a sidewalk slam on Tyson, then a rolling heel kick on Gene. Gene shoves Val into Tyson to hit Val with the big boot, which gets us three. The ref kept Vis out of the ring during all that. Nice. I was worried Val and Vis would win that.
FINAL THOUGHTS: That could have been alot worse. That was actually a much better heat then normal, and I didn't have to use all of my "Fucks" which I do from time to time. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed that. Feedback can be sent to me at firstname.lastname@example.org Who knows, I might mention you if I get some mail about this. Or not. Either or. Great to be apart of the team. Yadda yadda.