11/18 HEAT REBEAK



ALLOW MYSELF TO INTRODUCE... MYSELF Ok, so last week we introduced me. I figure that each week, I'll slap something in here to let you know a little more about myself. This week? I fucking hate foglights. And as an added bonus? I hate the show Laguna Beach. How on God's green Earth did dumb ass rich kids that have no claim to fame AT ALL get their own show about their own idiotic lives? I don't care about them, I don't care about their stupid prom or dating issues. I don't care that they are hot. I don't care about any of it. You mean to tell me we can't get at least RERUNS of that MTV show Fear (which was great) but we can get this crap of a show, and 23 episodes of Pimp My Ride every weekend day? Although Pimp My Ride is kind of cool. So, after two weeks, let's review.

BRAD HATES:
People mispronouncing his name
Foglights
Laguna Beach

Side note, Homewrecker on MTV, is great.

PRE-HEAT: Looks like no matches this week at all. Kind of sucks to recap it, in that there's no matches. But... it's all Eddie Tribute. Expect this to be real short, and not many jokes. Unless somebody just screams to be made fun of. I'm looking at YOU Rob Conway.

A LOOKBACK AT LOS GUERREROS

To start out, we have THIN MICHAEL COLE and TALL TAZZ. Todd Grisham and Coach. They're in the WWE Studios, and read off some fan letters that were e-mailed in. We then go to some interview stuff from Eddie's Mom, and Eddie voice-overs. I'm assuming this is from his DVD. I told you this was probably going to be short. I guess more along the lines of my thoughts as I watch. Eddie claims to have had "adventures" with his sister when they were young. I picture the two of them in pithats and looking through the jungle for the Fountain of Latino Heat. This isn't a bad thing, just an observation. Do Latino families start having kids at 12 and continue to pump out kids until they are 70 or something? Cause Eddie has older brothers and sisters that look older then my Mom. And she's 54. Eddie says he was shy in High School. Then he goes and buys tacos at a local restaurant for a what looks like 30 people, but it's probably just the camera crew. A bunch of fatties they might be. There was this really good story that I saw on WWE.com where they talked about Eddie as a little kid, where he wrestled a stuffed monkey in a match in his living room, and the monkey beat him with a flying cross-body and a fast three count. I thought it was a really cool story. Hey, they're gonna show the entire Los Guerreros skits, complete with Adult Swim music! Sweet. These were really good. "You wouldn't want your pool leaking and getting full of water would ya? Don't want to get wet." Awesome. Oh... just the one skit. That's ok. That's probably the better one.

EDDIE WINS THE WWE TITLE, AND STEPHANIE TALKS.

Recap of Eddie winning the WWE Title from Lesnar. Back to Grisham and Coach. Showing Eddie backstage at No Mercy after winning the belt, calling his wife, calling my girlfriend... wait.. calling my girlfriend? EDDIE! Always up to Shenanigans.

Stephanie talks about when she first met Eddie at her house. Same interview she did on RAW.

THE CHAMP IS HERE

I think Cena gave a decent enough speech. He basically put it out that while he wasn't the closest to Eddie, he will be missed. Which is true. Recap of Eddie as Latino Heat with China. Is it just me, or was this the only point in China's career where she looked... a LITTLE bit hot? And bareable. And all because of Eddie. When you think of the man, just remember. He made JBL awesome. He made China less crappy. He made other people just... BETTER. THAT is a truely great wrestler.

TRIPLE H SHOWED UP TOO.

I'll be honest, I missed HHH's speech when this aired on RAW. My buddy and a few other people told me that it looked like he was faking his feelings here. I honestly don't know.

Christopher Knight is a pimp.

Triple H talks about Eddie's "personal demons" and how he overcame them. Then mentions that he had 2 beautiful girls... He... must have forgot one. Then it cuts out, and comes back to Triple H getting misty. And we cut away again, and back to Triple H talking about "the show going on." I don't know. The Triple H hater in me wants to naysay Hunter here, but I don't personally know the guy, and I don't know his relationship with people backstage outside of what is common knowledge. And I really don't know how this effected each wrestler. So I won't do what a small portion of the IWC did and rag on Triple H. He made a good speech, he wrestled a good match, he jobbed out and took it. We finish it up with the latest Eddie Tribute video with Three Doors Down singing.

FINAL THOUGHTS: My Christopher Knight comment was extremely random. Once again, nice tribute to Eddie. I hope they show some great classic Eddie matches for Velocity, like some ECW and WCW ones, but it will probably be similar to this. Nothing wrong with it at all, though.

Wow. I am SO glad I waited a few minutes to submit this on the sites. Christopher Knight is a fucking HUGE GENIUS PIMP. And Adrian Curry is megahot. I'm sorry... I'm gonna have to wait... this it too good to stop watching altogether, and I feel that you all need to know what happens at the end of this episode of "My Fair Brady." Also, it may take your mind of our shared sorrows. If only for a few seconds as you go "WTF?" about my obsession with this show.

Ok... Adrian is dressed to the nines. Chris called her during the day, and told her to write what she loves about him, and he'd do the same for dinner that night. She's anxious because she thinks they're gonna break up. She told him if he doesn't want to marry her, she's gonna leave him. Which I'm gonna side with Chris here, that I'd tell her to get out of my grill. He bought candles and all sorts of romantic crap all day. I half expect him to propose right here and now. If he doesn't, I'll be way surprised. And he's gonna make her think that he won't do it until the last second.

And.... after they recite what they wrote about each other, she goes ahead and reads her "last plea" that she wants him to marry her. Do it Chris. Marry her. DO IT! I mean, dude... she's half your age and megahot. You're in Hollywood, you can divorce her next week if you want, and it'll be cool. Uh oh! She told him about her woman's intuition, and he asks her if it's her pride. Pimp slap her! That's your only recourse now! Either that or pull out a ring. ONE EXTREME OR THE OTHER!!! HOLY SHIT! HE'S GONNA DO IT! HE'S GOT A SURPRISE!

THE ASSHOLES WENT TO FUCKING COMMERCIAL! GODDAMN YOU ALL! I DON'T CARE IF YOU KICK ME OFF WRESTLINGPEEPS FOR MY LANGUAGE! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!! I NEED SOMETHING ABOVE CAPS LOCK TO EXPRESS MY ANGER AT THIS POINT! ARRRGGHH!!!

Oh man, he better propose. He let her talk all that shit about how she doesn't want to be a 47 year old bachelor like him, and then he proposes and makes her feel like ass. Oh man. That would be PERFECT! I... literally am on the edge of my seat. Ok. We're back. And there's 15 minutes left in this show. Please don't draw this out any more. Pull the fucking trigger.

Damnit. They are GOING somewhere. Sigh... He drives her out somewhere, and puts a blindfold on her. He's either going to propose, or put two bullets in the back of her head. They spend an hour going down some stairs. Now Chris says he's gonna leave her alone for a few minutes. Isn't this how SAW II started? I haven't seen it yet. Chris says she isn't going to like it. For Pete's Sake. MORE COMMERCIALS! DAMN YOU VH1!!!!!! BEST WEEK EVER DOESN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!! I think I peed myself...

Nope. I'm good. He comes out and takes the blindfold off, after we recap the last five minutes of show. I JUST SAW IT! I think he bought her an apartment. Adrian: "What is this?" Chris: "Follow me" I swear he better do it. Propose. DO IT! She says "No" a hundred times. Adrian: "There's vaulted ceilings, but no." Ha. You shouldn't have given him an ultimatum, bitch. He's kicking her to the curb! Pimp slap the hoe! I want one extreme or the other. Dude, I SO thought he was gonna propose there for the longest time. He swerved me. HOLY SHIT! DOUBLE SWERVE! He told her "You can make a life for yourself out here on your own... Or.... you can come home with me " AND HE PULLED OUT A FUCKING RING! Wait... she still hasn't stopped hyper ventilating to say yes. And technically, all he's done is pulled out a ring. CHOKESLAM HER! He goes down to a knee, and it's a yes. That was the best thing ever. He totally had her thinking that he was kicking her ass to the curb. Adrian: "I'm just so BLEEPing happy." Oh man, Christopher Knight, take ME away. Good lord... I'm so sorry I just rebeaked something totally non-wrestling, but I had an overwhelming urge to type while I was watching that. That man is gonna get banged RIGHT tonight. Or... at least the night they taped that. I need a cigarette or something now...