12/9 HEAT REBEAK



ALLOW MYSELF TO INTRODUCE... MYSELF I got interviewed, so I guess I answered alot of questions there... hm... what else do I hate. Oh yeah! I know what I hate! I hate people not participating in the End of Year 2005 Awards.

BRAD HATES:
People mispronouncing his name
Foglights
Laguna Beach
Omarosa
John Cena's Spinner Belt
Viscera
People Not Participating in the End of the Year 2005 Awards

PRE-HEAT:

FAN SHOUBU

Out first is I HAVE TO BE AN ILLEGITIMATE RHODES KID is Trevor Murdoch. His opponent, already in the ring, is TYPICAL INDY NAME, Scotty Saber. Tommy Dreamer is on commentary? WTF? Where's Coach? Ring that bell bitches! They go to lock up, but Trevor must have hit the triangle button faster, cause he just slapped the bitch. Trevor hits a forearm, then kicks Saber out of the ring. Trevor goes outside, and throws Saber from the crowd barrier to the apron six times, rolls him in and covers for two. Trevor hits some forearms to the face from behind, Saber goes to the ropes, but Trevor is all "Where you going, bitch?" and drops some elbows on him, then chokes him on the ropes. Trevor grabs Saber by the tights, but Saber is all "Dude... Steers and Queers?" and forearms out, but Trevor gets him in the corner and hits some knees to the back. Trevor finally misses one, hitting his knee. Saber gets a couple kicks in, sort of fucks up an atomic drop on Trevor, then Trevor hits a Sky-High. Trevor up top, and hits the bulldog off the top rope for the three count. Cade and Murdoch were good together. Apart? eh..... Let's put it this way. This match only could have been more boring if Viscera was in it. At least I yell at Viscera.

Shawn Michaels' book commercial.

NIBAN SHOUBU

Out first is I STILL THINK HE LOOKS LIKE AJ STYLES is Gregory Helms. His opponent already in the ring is TIM ALLEN'S OLDEST SON, Brad Allen. Gregory looks all heelish and angry. Lockup with an armdrag takedown by Gregory. More reaction to Greg then Murdoch. Lock-up again, and Gregory gets a hammerlock. Brad reverses it to a hammerlock of his own, but Gregory takes him down. Lockup again, Gregory gets a side-headlock. Gregory to the ropes, hits a shoulderblock. Back to the ropes, Brad hits an armdrag, then another, then a third. And a dropkick. Staredown as the crowd gets behind Brad. Damn right. Lockup, Helms knees Brad to the midsection, hits some forearms, and manhandles him to the ropes, choking him out. Helms hits a snake eyes on the ropes, then goes outside for more fore-armery. Helms in to break the count, then rolls Brad back in. Helms with a falling elbow drop , then hits a suplex for a two count. Helms chokes Brad , lets him up and chokes him out again. Helms locks in a chinlock, Brad able to get to his feet, elbows out, goes to the ropes, gets me a sammich, hits a flying forearm to Helms for a one count. Helms back up, hits a nice clothesline. Helms: "Not today!" Tomorrow maybe? Helms hits a falling neckbreaker, doesn't go for the cover. Brad gets up all groggy, and Helms hits the Shining Wizard for the three count. You know, Helms I think would be a great upper mid-card heel. Too bad the WWE will never let him off HEAT. I'll bet Viscera gets on RAW this week though... fat bastard...

No Bret Hart DVD commercial? THE STREAK IS OVAH! WM Anthology commercial though.

SAN BAN SOUKATSU SHOUBU SEPPEN

Out next is I THOUGHT EVERYONE HATED ME AND I WAS SENT TO BILL DEMOTT TO GET MY ASS WHOOPED? is Matt Striker. Should I recap this? STRIKER: For those of you who donít know me, my name is Matt Striker, and I am your teacher. Now as I made my way down to the ring it occurred to me that most of you didnít spend too much time in school. So I donít expect you to know how to behave when a man of my intellect is before you. You sit down. You pay attention. Young man, take that hat off. Weíre indoors You see, next week Matt Striker makes his debut on Monday Night Raw, but itís okay because tonight we can have our first lesson right here. You see, in my classroom, one of the most important things was a first impression.

The crowd begins to chant "You suck"

Striker: Thatís profanity. I donít take profanity in my classroom. Now back to first impressions. Take this young lady right here. (Striker points to a hot girl in the audience. I mean, this girl is REALLY hot. Yeah, I have a thing for redheads. So sue me.) A pretty girl, by South Carolina standards. (Major heat from the crowd) Now, now take this young man right here. (Striker points to the guy that is with the girl.) Letís just say, for sake of argument, the two of you were to go out. Highly unlikely, I know, but just, just humor me, okay? Now you would probably, what? Take her bowling? Maybe get her drunk. You would be making a poor first impression. Now if itís Matt Striker and you, weíd go out to a fine restaurant. We would drink wine. I would pretend to be interested in whatever nonsense it was that you had to say. (Dude... he's spoiling it for the rest of us. They don't know that we don't pay attention!) You see, I am getting a first impression of all of you tonight. Because coming here, each and every one of you knew, YOU KNEW youíd be on live television, didnít you? Yet look at how you came dressed. I mean, you should have come dressed more like, well, more like me. (Not everyone has a dress code policy) Itís no wonder that people look down their nose at wrestling fans. (He has a point... check out THIS link HERE)Cause with you as an example, frankly, I donít blame them. But you know something, I probably shouldnít blame any of you either. I mean, you donít know any better. Youíre uneducated. But thatís why I am here. Who better than a guy with a 186 I.Q. to tutor all of you.

Crowd: Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!

Striker: Hey, the proper term is anus, young man, anus. Dr. Angus?

I fazed out here. I guess Striker is going to be on RAW this week. Eh.

SONO OMODATTA EBENTO, MISTER ROBOTO

The new Jonny Knoxville movie looks awesome. Eugene isn't sitting at home, he's staring in this movie. They show a recap of Vince's entrance with the "Who wants to be a Millionaire" music. Then they play the trial like it was People's Court. Then Cena shows up and says profanity.

Hey! There's a match in here! Out first is WHY AM I IN SMACKDOWN VS. RAW 2006 AND VICTORIA ISN'T? is Rob Conway. His opponent is I WASN'T IN IT EITHER! is Val Venis. Neither was Viscera. And why is Junkyard Dog in the game as a Legend? Couldn't we have gotten... I don't know... Roddy Piper? Randy Savage? Ultimate Warrior? I mean... they're more legends then Junkyard. Although maybe it's some way for those guy's families to get some extra cash. Conway jumps Val from behind after he gives his cumrag to some chick in the crowd. Hey! It was the red-head! Conway rolls Val back in the ring. Val with some Woo chops to Conway, getting him to the corner, but Conway reverses it with some punchery. Val comes back with chops, just they way Viscera like em. Val clotheslines Conway out of the ring. Conway back in, Val locks in a reverse arm-bar as Dreamer talks about how he hates Bischoff. Val with another chop, shoots Conway to the ropes, but it's reversed. Val with a kick to the chest of Conway, but Conway slams Val to the ropes throat first. Conway chokes out Val for a minute, shoots him to the ropes, hits a knee and a swinging neckbreaker for a two count. Conway with some more punchery on Val. Conway hits a falling neckbreaker for a two count. Conway locks in a leg wizard. Val tries to exacpe, but Conway uses the ropes. Conway telling Val to quit. Val is able to get out, and just punches Conway in the back of the head. Conway shoves him off and kicks him in the head. Punchery is traded, Val gets the upperhand, Conway kicks him to the midsection, goes to the ropes. Val with a shoulderblock, and another. Val hits a fisherman's suplex for a two count. Conway attempts a sleeper, but Val hits a sitdown powerbomb for two. Conway pokes Val in the eyes and schoolboys him for two. Conway charges, but Val hits a half nelson slam. Val goes up top, but Conway shoves him down before he can hit the Money Shot. Conway up top with forerarms, attempts a superplex, but Val shoves him off, and misses the Money Shot. I hate nothing more then when a guy misses the money shot. Wait... that sounded gay. We'll take it out in editing. Conway attempts a suplex, but Val rolls up Conway with a small package for the three count. Does anyone else find it ironic that Val won with a SMALL package?

FINAL THOUGHTS: HEAT wasn't bad... just kind of blah. Nobody gave me much of anything to mock, and I'm doing this on Monday morning, so there's no VH1 shows to bolster it. Oh well... There's also a rumor going around that Dusty Rhodes is going to be the new RAW GM. I swear to God... I'll stop watching RAW. Nobody will understand the language I used for the matches either...