12/16 HEAT REBEAK



ALLOW MYSELF TO INTRODUCE... MYSELF I have no clue what is on VH1, but there were HUGE boobies on it, so I stopped. Prepare for boobie updates as the recap continues. But last night, they had on Your World w/ Neil Cavuto on Fox News two women who debated about Unions in America. And one of them, someone named Victoria (who I'm going to go find out her complete name) was saying that Unions were useless and had no place in business anymore. I'm not going to go into details, cause that's what my MySpace blog is for, but I would like to get juvenile here. Fuck you, you bitch. There... so let's slap Union haters up there too...

BRAD HATES:
People mispronouncing his name
Foglights
Laguna Beach
Omarosa
John Cena's Spinner Belt
Viscera
People Not Participating in the End of the Year 2005 Awards
People who hate Unions

PRE-HEAT: I have a PPV Preview that is around here somewhere on WrestlingPeeps.net. I'm not exactly sure WHERE, but it's there. Find it. I say Fuck alot.

FAN SHOUBU

Out first is JUST LOOK AT MY WIENER is Rob Conway. His opponent is OOOOO CHHHAAAAAVOOOOO.... SUUAAAVVVEEEEE. He is Chavo Guerrero. Eddie chant in the crowd. I wonder how long the crowd will continue Eddie chants? The two circle, lock up, Chavo from behind, but Rob reverses it into a side headlock. Rob to the ropes, hits a shoulderbreaker on Chavo and smiles. Shoulders make him happy. It was here that I stopped recapping this LAST week. I suck. I haven't looked at THIS week's matches, but I'm guess it's all recap shit. Just like MY recaps are shit. Oh yeah, back to the match in the distant past...

I'm now blaring the radio, so I'm going to hear NONE of the commentary. This may in fact, might be the single best way to recap these. Although I may miss out too... eh... who cares. I'm a fucking week late with this, right? Conway over to Chavo, but Chavo hits an uppercut. Punchery happens with Chavo in charge as I reset my music. Conway bails to the apron, but Chavo brings him in the hard way. More punchery on Conway, Chavo shoots him to the corner, charges in, Conway counters by dumping Chavo to the apron. Chavo lands on his feet, attempts to springboard over the ropes, but Conway heads him off, dumping him off the apron to the outside. Conway goes outside and brings Chavo back in for some mounted punching. Gay. Conway chokes out Chavo on the ropes. Gayer. Conway has Chavo in the corner with some elbows. Gayer still. Conway shoots Chavo to the ropes, and tries to pose, but it's actually a clothesline or something. I don't know. Conway puts on a rear chinlock on Chavo, Chavo fights out of it with elbows and moxy. Conway shoots Chavo to the ropes, Chavo ducks the clothesline and hits a spinning DDT. Chavo goes up top, and hits the frog splash for the three count. Chavo is usually really good. But this match was kind of blah. It just looked like they were miscomunicating on the moves there. I didn't really mention it too much, but it happened alot. Trust me.

Stupidist WWE Merchandice commercial ever. Guess which one.

NIBAN SHOUBU

I'm too lazy to change the language of the matches this week. It's Japanese by the way. Out first is I'M SO GLAD MY HEEL TURN GOT ME OFF HEAT is Gregory Helms. His opponent is OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE BUZZSAW, I'M TURNING OFF MY MUSIC. BUT ONLY DURING HIS INTRO is Tajiri. Too bad he's gone, but it's not like he was ever going to get a decent push. At least he wins in Smackdown Vs. RAW 2006... not really thoguh. Lockup, something distracts me out the window, and Tajiri has kicked Helms to the ground. Lockup again, Helms attempting grab Tajiri from behind, Tajiri attempts to get out, and Helms slams him to the mat by the hair. Tajiri to the corner, Helms charges in, Tajiri gets the Tarantula, Helms shoves him off. Both men outside for punchery, back in. Helms with an elbow drop for a two count. Both men back up, AGAIN I'm distracted, and Tajiri gets Helms in the corner for the Tarantula again? This time Helms brings Tajiri in the ring, and Tajiri hits a side kick. Helms to the ropes, Tajiri ducks a clothesline and Tajiri hits the back handspring elbow for a two count. Tajiri shoots Helms to the corner, Helms hits a back elbow and attempts a tornado DDT, but Tajiri shrugs it off and gets the Tarantula again. Tajiri misses the big spinning kick, Helms with an atomic drop and the Shining Wizard for the three count. So long Tajiri.

SAN BAN SOUKATSU SHOUBU SEPPEN

Uh.... wtf? The HEAT I was recapping from last week just completely disappeared from the Archives page of the WWE.... so..... I will have to wing it.....

INSERT TRIPLE H RECAP VIDEO PACKAGE HERE

SONO OMODATTA EBENTO, MISTER ROBOTO

After talking about Triple H for ten minutes, Coach notices there is a match in the ring. Fortunately for me, it was Ashley Vs. Victoria Vs. Torrie Wilson in a dick sucking contest, and I was judge. I called it a three way tie, and decided it should go into a sudden death finale. Needless to say, ratings went through da roof!

FINAL THOUGHTS: I thoroughly enjoyed the main event.