11/9 SMACKDOWN REBEAK
BLOGGING IT UP: Man, Daily Motion is sweet. Although it took me going through about 4 french versions of Smackdown before I found the right one. I get to knock some of this out now, because the wife went to Rockford (about a 1 1/2 hour and 60 mile trip) at 8 in the morning on a Saturday to go see some friend. I get to stay here. Her loss is your gain.
WHY AM I DOING THIS?:
The MAIN reason I'm randomly doing this right NOW, is I used to recap HEAT and Velocity here and at Wrestlingpeeps.net, which is now defunct. I'm going to do a test run of HEAT, RAW, Smackdown and Impact, and then say if I think a certain promotion sucks or doesn't. This is inspired by alot of arguement between some guys on YouTube. It's the equivelent of a rap-off, but everyone is white, they stay in their homes, there's no rapping, and nobody in the background yelling "Oh snap, son!" For your entertainment, I may swear if this is a bunch of crap.
EL FIRSTO MATCHO
Before the match, we get a run down of part of the card. Mysterio/Finlay. Khali/Undertaker. Roe/Wade. Out first is FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US! is Jesse and Festus. How did they come up with that name? Their opponents are OUR DIFFERENCES ARE MINOR are the Major Brothers. Followed by WE HAVE JOBS IN THE WWE TO LOSE EVERYWHERE OTHER THAN THE UK is Drew McIntyre and Dave Taylor. Their opponents are REMEMBER THAT TIME WE DOUBLE TEAMED THAT CHICK ON THE HOOD OF YER MAMA'S CAR, OOOHHH!! are Duece and Domino. Their opponents are FINALLY TWO GUYS I'VE SEEN WRESTLE BEFORE Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore. Apparently this is Battle Royal rules, with your team getting eliminated if one of your members is tossed over the top rope. Winners get a Tag-Team Title shot. I've read the recaps, but never seen 4/5 of the people in this ring wrestle. Festus does that crazy "Bell Ring, Me Angry" bit, and way too much crap happens for me to recap. Festus gets octupile teamed, and his team is elimianted. Wang does a SWEET overhead flip, and Moore follows up with a Whispers in the Wind on McIntyre. Cole and JBL, your announcers, talk more about Festus than that. Alot more "OMG! I MIGHT GET ELIMINATED... NOT!" stuff going on, with all sorts of people holding onto ropes. Wang tossed over, but saves himeslf on the apron. Deuce and Domino put one of the Major Brothers in some move of the Kama Sutra. It's hawt. Duece and Domino continue to dominate, as Cole says "One of the Majors in the corner." Even HE doesn't know which is which. Wang almost eliminated again. Wang attempst to eliminate Taylor, but Duece maks the save because he's fucking retarded. LET HIM ELIMINATE SOMEONE ELSE, idiot. Duece and Domino continue to double team Wang now, as the Majors are split up. Everyone pairs up in a corner to tease eliminations without any actual action. Wang with mounting punchery on Taylor, tossed to the apron, kicks him in the head, but McIntyre makes the save when Wang channels Eugene, and climbs the turnbuckle. Do ANY turnbuckle moves work in a Battle Royal? Wang and Moore are out. Majors and Domino attempt to eliminate McIntyre. They can't do it. Another Major drop kicks Taylor, but he doesn't go over, so he clotheslines him over the top and eliminates the Limey Twins. We're down to Majors and Duece/Domino. The Majors play peril, as Duece and Domino split up and dominate. Duece charges at a Major on the rope, but the Major tosses him over the top to the apron. Deuce gets a leg scissors, attempts to eliminate the Major, Domino helps, it does no good. Now Duece and Domino hit a suplex, top rope manuever. Hey, a top rope move worked! That means they won't win. Duece and Domino double team one Major, can't eliminate him. They call for the "Crack in the Mouth" but the Major grabs the ropes to put on the breaks. Both Duece and Domino charge, Major pulls down the rope, and Duece and Domino do their best Bugs Bunny impression as they go "What The?" and fly over the top rope. The Major Brothers are the new #1 Contenders for the Tag-Team Championship, celebrate, motion for belts, hug, kiss a little.
I may have made part of that up.
Michelle McCool and Torrie Wilson are backstage talking about Chuck Palumbo's penis size. Victoria shows up with some other dude, Michelle shoves Victoria after she says something, but I don't pay attention. They'll probably wrasstle later.
Video Package hyping Undertaker/Khali. We're reminded for the eight time they wrestle in a No Holds Bared match later.
EL SECONDO MATCHO
We are back, and out first is I RIDE THIS HOG LIKE I RIDE MY MAN. FROM BEHIND is Michelle McCool with Chuck Palumbo. They must have bought Undertaker's motorcycle off of E-bay, or in the Smackdown Vs. Raw Shopzone. The crowd cheers as out next is SERIOUSLY, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY WITH ME? is Victoria. OH! It's Kenny! Thanks Michael Cole. How did THEY get togehter? Did Stevie Richards lose Victoria in a card game? Lock up, punchery. Victoria with a takedown and a wrist lock. Victoria: "I'm the champ!" Of what? If you want tickets for WWE in Australia, call 132849. Victoria with punchery, Michelle runs at the turnbuckle, jumps up, flips off, and hits a arm takedown on Victoria. That was pretty nice. It gets her a two count. Victoria dumps Michelle to the outside, and hits a slam into the crowd barrier on Michelle. Victoria rolls her back in. Cover for 2. Victoria grabs the hair and uses a modified Gory Special on her, lets go. Picks up Michelle for a brainbuster, gets her 2. This is better than any HEAT match I did this week. Victoria shoots Michelle to the ropes, Michelle hits a kick to stop it, then a couple dropkicks. Michelle with some Woo! Chops. Shoots Victoria to teh ropes and hits a big boot for a 2 count. Michelle goes for a spinning heel kick, but Kenny yanks Victoria outside for the save. Chuckie runs over and stops Kenny with a clothesline. Michelle rolls Victoria in, but eats a DDT from Victoria. Chuck watches as Victoria gets the 3 count, THEN runs in. Way to look after your woman, Chuck. If it was Billy in there you would have done something. The faces look dismayed as the heels celebrate and somewhere Stevie Richards cracks open another beer.
Replay of the finish.
Anastasia interviews Rey Mysterio. YOU DON'T GET A NICKNAME UNTIL YOU COME TO THE RING, asshole. Rey hypes his match against Finlay, saying he has compassion until he gets in the ring with his opponent, speaks Spanish, and all the fans cheer. I need a translator. He might have told Anastasia that she has nice cans. Anastasia nods. Rey: "I do this for my people, because my people are me." What the fuck does THAT mean?
ANOTHER SEGMENT CM Punk talks with Vickie Guerrero. Jamie Noble crashes the party, and wants to give Vickie a copy of "Jamie Noble: Greatest Little Man." CM Punk points out that it's on VHS. CM Punk tells Jamie he's great. CM Punk: "You're awesome." Noble flies off the handle, telling CM Punk that Vickie is crazy. He claims he could beat CM Punk easier than pie, because there are no monsters in ECW. Isn't Boogeyman a "monster?" Or Big Daddy V? Vickie books CM Punk Vs. Jamie Noble tonight. Noble: "I need time to prepare! I need time to stratagize! Gimmie back my tape!"
Jamie Noble = Ratings.
LA RIBA LA RAZE, EL THIRDO MATCHO!
Out first is MY NAME IS EVAN, AND I LIKE TA BITE! is Fit Finlay. His opponent, in case you haven't paid attention, is I WEAR A MASK BECAUSE OF PRIDE... OR I'M UGLY. TAKE YOUR PICK is Rey Mysterio. THey show 984 people in the crowd wearing Rey masks of varying colors. Rey gives his torn t-shirt to some kid in the crowd. Yay kid. Face off, sizing each other, chants by the crowd, circling and a lockup. Pushing each other around, Finlay in the corner and grabs the mask, shoves Rey. Rey stands there like that kid in 4th grade who won't back down. Circling again. More chants. This is a pretty hot crowd for this show. Better than HEAT. Then again, this show doesn't suck. Finaly with some forearms takes Rey down, but Rey is up with all sorts of punches, ref breaks it up. Rey with a kick to the midsection, but Finlay gets a clothesline for a 1 count. Finlay with a wierd chokehold, then some clubbery. Rey to the corner. Forearm to the chest by Finlay. Finaly again. The ref keeps telling him to back off, so Finlay just stops, waits, and does it again a few times. Shoots Rey to the other corner, Rey with a boot to the head, jumps up top and jumps off. Finlay blocks the hurcanarana, but Rey grabs the ropes and head scissors Finlay to the outside. Baseball slide puts Finlay back down, and Rey hits a springboard moonsault off the second rope to take Finlay down. Commercial and we come back to Rey on the offense with kicks on Finlay in the corner. It looks like a 12 year old beating up his grandpa. Rey outside, but Finlay comes out with some punchery and rolls Rey back in. Finlay with a forearm, and a boot and covers for 2. Finlay with some uppercuts. Shoots Rey into a clothesline, and hits a jumping stomp for 2. Michale Cole: "Rey kicks out at three and a half!" WTF? JR, is that you? Finlay attempts to pick up Rey, but Rey fights back with punchery, gets hot, and Finlay stops that with a drop toe hold sending Rey head first to the corner. Finlay outside and smashes Rey's head to the apron, Finlay back in with a kick to the head. And another. Rey is down. Finlay has Rey back up, shoots him to the ropes, Rey puts the boots on, kicks Finlay, jumps on the rope for something, but Finlay catches him. Rey swings around for a hurcanarana, but Finlay just fucking THROWS Rey into the corner. Rey's dead. That was sick. Rey outside, so Finlay follows and smashes him back first to the apron. Finlay rolls Rey back in and follows, covers for 1. Kick to the back of Rey. They replay the toss by Finlay 3 times. Rey still down as Finlay smiles, and hits a scoop slam. "Rey" chants in the crowd. Finlay stalks him, grabs the legs and locks in a Boston Crab. Rey holds on, tries for the ropes. Rey almost there, but Finlay pulls him back. JBL: "We could have a ballgame right here!" Finlay lets go, shitkicks Rey and covers for 2. Finlay pushes Rey outside, then tosses him into the crowd barrier. Finlay continues to stalk him as we replay it. Finlay rolls Rey back in, Rey kicks him in the face, Finlay kicks him back and locks in ANOTHER Boston Crab. JBL points out the ring psychology. Rey turns the move around and gets the ropes. Finlay lets go and stomps on the back some more. Finlay stalks Rey, tries for a stomp, but Rey kicks him a few times, but Finlay is able to stomp on the back again. Finlay picks Rey up and shoots him to the corner, Rey floats over the charge and rolls up Finlay with a schoolboy for 2. Finlay in teh corner. Rey on the offense with mounted punches, but Finlay dumps him head first to the corner. Cover for 2. The ref fixes the turnbuckle like an idiot while Finlay grabs the Sheleighle, but Rey hits a drop kick for a 2 count. Both back up. Rey shoots Finlay to the ropes, reversed and Rey hits a springboard crossbody and a drop kick for 2. Rey to the apron, hits the springboard senton on Finlay. Rey to the ropes again with a knee to the face. Rey goes for it again, and Finlay hits a rising clothesline for a 2. Finlay back on offense, picks up Rey, punches exchanged. Rey gets the drop toe hold on Finlay. Rey goes for the 619, missess, hits a kick anyway, goes to the turnbuckle and hits another jumping senton for a 2 count. Both men back up. Finlay goes for a backdrop suplex, Rey flips out, kicks Finlay to the ropes, hits the 619, goes to the ropes for another springboard senton, but Finlay hits the ropes. Finlay has Rey up, hits the Celtic Cross for the three. That match was pretty good. Play his fucking music! Finlay tosses Rey out of the ring, because he hates Mexicans. Finlay hits Rey with a laptop, clears the announce table, and picks up Rey and rams him into the turnbuckle. The ref tells Finlay that's enough. Oh... well since YOU said so Ref! Finlay grabs the Sheleighle (sp?) and stalks Rey, but decides to just leave. I guess when the Ref said that was enough, he listened. Rey has his mask off, but a towel around his head. Finlay smiles.
Khali versus Kane recap. From last week I suppose.
We get reminder number 98239832 that Undertaker and Khali fight tonight.
EL SO MANYO MATCHESO, THIS IS EL GOODO! NUMERO FOURO!
Out first is GIRLS LOVE ME CAUSE I'm STRAIGHT... EDGE is CM Punk. Recap of the Miz throwing his hat at John Morrison, who is so hurt he loses to CM Punk. Hats > John Morrison. His opponent is TARNATION! I HOPE MY GIRL TAPES THIS HERE MATCH! is Jamie Noble. Cirle, lockup. Punk goes for the leg, doesn't get it. Noble gets a headlock takedown, both back up, Punk reverses to a wrist lock, Noble with a hammerlock and some forearms. Shoots Noble to the ropes, reversed adn reversed again. Punk with some clubbery, kicks Noble outside. Punk with the corner and hits a springboard missle drop kick on Noble. Punk to the ropes for a suicide dive on Noble, rolls Noble back in, who gets a swinging neckbreaker, and goes to some stomping. Noble gets a clutchlock and some knee thrusts, continue to hold it in. Punk taken down, back up, smashes Noble to the corner to break it, hits some kicks and hits a Norther Lights Suplex for 2. Cole: "Nice throw by CM Punk" Idiot. Punk picks Noble up, Noble gets a knee, goes for a full nelson slam, blocked. Noble with some kicks, goes to teh ropes but Punk stops with a kick. Noble shot to the corner, and Punk hits a jumping knee lift and a bulldog. Punk has Noble up for a DVD, when The Miz comes out and attacks Punk for the DQ. Punk fights him off with a climb up wheel kick. Morrison out and now attacks Punk. Punk fights HIM off and hits the Go To Sleep. Noble now attacks, and hits a gutbuster on Punk. Noble is the only one left standing, so play his music! Everyone holds their forehead and shakes their head, because that's how you sell a move.
Commercial break brings us back to the outside of the arena. We get a video package of Hell In The Cell.
AYE CARUMBA! A FIFTH MATCH! Out first is MY MUSIC IS KIND OF PORN-ISH is your US and Tag-Champ, MVP. His partner is EDGE FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND, AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS TAG-PARTNER is Matt Hardy. My jokes tell you when I stopped watching wrestling. MVP has alot of bling. Smackdown Vs. RAW 2008 promo. The champs talk and now we have OUR NAMES ARE BRET AND BRIAN, BRAD! are the Major Brothers. Finally... I have their names. Apparently rather than build up your #1 Contenders, you just give them their shot the same night, which since they're tired puts them at a handicap. I can't tell the Majors appart, so I will refer to the both as Major. Matt and Major start off. The Major's tights look like their tighty-whities are sticking out. Major takes down Matt, tag in to Major, who sunset flips Matt for a no count. Matt with some punchery and shoots Major to the corner and hits the bulldog. Two count. Matt off the second rope for his AHHH Elbw and a side slam. MVP tags himself in. MVP with some stompery on Major. MVP with a snap suplex for two. Matt reaches for the tag, MVP says no. MVP shoots Major to the corner, but eats an elbow. Tries it again, and eats a boot. Major hits a senton on MVP. Major attempts to tag in Major, but MVP kicks Major off the apron. MVP hits some punches and hits whatever his finisher is, but I couldn't hear it because JBL was yelling like a moron. That gets a three count. Matt and MVP celebrate seperately, argue, and celebrate more.
Video recap of Khali and Batista from 14 years ago. Khali will kill you all. That's the message. Only someone who is undead would be able to beat him! Waitaminute...
ANOTHER Undertaker Vs. Khali reminder.
JBL and Cole talk about Fabulous Moolah.
THIS WOULDN'T BE A SHOW WITHOUT AN IN-RING PROMO! He is the out... I SMELL GOOD FOR AN ANIMAL is Batista. He keeps it thankfully short. Poses, yells, says he hopes Undertaker is still 100% when they wrestle. Dude, Undertaker hasn't been 100% since 1995.
EL MAINO EVENTO
Out first is IN MY COUNTRY, I'M KNOWN AS THE NOT-SO-GREAT KHALI is Great Khali. They say he's 7'3, 420 lbs. So... he's probably ACTUALLY 6'2 and 290 lbs. It's all done with mirrors and camera tricks. Don't you watch Chris Angel? Out next is DONG... DONG... I LIKE DING DONGS! is Undertaker. Undertaker either has to win here clean, win via DQ and Batista makes the save, or elevate the entire ring and crap lightning. Place your bets.
We start out with punchery, which Khali no sells. Taker goes to the corner and hits the Old School Elbow Drop early. Khali has nothing. Undertaker hits a chokeslam which is more of Khali sitting down for him. It gets him a 2 count. Back from commercial, and Khali is stomping on Taker in the corner. Khali with an elbow. Taker out of the corner with a punch, but Khali punches him back. Khali with more kickery. I might just cut and paste the last two sentances a few times. Khali with a punch to the head. Taker down. Khali with a capture clothesline for a 2 count. Khali with more punchery. Taker counters with punchery. Taker with headbutts. Khalli hits some headbutts of his own, and a clothesline for a 2 count. Khali grabs onto Taker's neck, lightly massaging him. He must not be doing it right, because Taker looks in pain. Taker's eyes get wide, showing off his manly mascara. Taker fights up, punchery to the midsection breaks it, punches Khali back to the corner. Taker goes for a running splash to the corner, but Khali stops him with a back elbow. Khali with a chop to the head, then locks in the Vice Grip on Taker. Taker is down, they shill how nobody has ever broke the hold. Yeah... nobody broke the Masterlock either. Taker with body shots to break the hold. When I do body shots, they look alot better. Taker breaks the Vice Grip, and hits another chokeslam. Taker covers. Kickout at 2. Taker signals for the Tombstone. Nope. Wont' happen. Taker attmpets it, but Khali breaks it and hits a two handed chokeslam. Taker sits up zombie-like. Khali reaches down, and Taker locks in a Triangle Chokehold. The two of them roll around. This would be sexy if it were two chicks. If I squint they almost look like Chyna and Nicole Bass wrestling. Khali taps out.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Smackdown > HEAT. Khali/Taker was as good as a match with 800 lbs of brawling wrestlers could be. The only thing close to a bad match was the Tag-Title match, but that was because it was short and basically squashed any push the Majors had moving into it, as basically MVP beat them alone.