10/5 VELOCITY REBEAK
BLOGGING IT UP: I've been asleep. Which sucks, cause I got alot of shit to do today. Damn you Keibler Elves. Damn you and your funny hats.
PRE VELOCITY: Despite working on it twice, I'm only 1/3 thru the TNA Impact Recap. Even though it's posted as a link, it isn't on the site yet. I feel like I've let you all down. I'm a horrible person. But I will feel infinitely better after Velocity, because it isn't HEAT. OPENING
Taboo Tuesday Video Package. Last line is "Smackdown is gonna embarras ya on your own turf!" What, they gonna show the entire world an episode of HEAT?
Out first is HEY YO! HEY YO! HEY YO! is Brian Kendrick. That is what I make out of his music. THE ROM and THE JOSH are shown as our announcers, and out next is BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD WITH CHEESE, SALAMI, BOLOGNA, TURKEY... MMMM TURKEY.... is Kid Kash. And I am now officially hungry. Thanks alot you jerks. Kash just walks right up to Kendrick and shoves him in the face. Kendrick is all "That's Not Fair!" and tackles him. We are back up as Kendrick has a side headlock. Kash yanks the hair, break. Kendrick with a dropkick, clothesline, arm drag, arm drag, and an arm wringer. Kash powers up, again goes for the hair. Kendrick continues the hold, attempts to shoot Kash to the corner, Kash reverses it. Kendrick floats over. Kash goes to the turnbuckle and flips backward over Kendrick, and then hits a shinbreaker to take Kendrick down. Kash locks in some sort of leg submission, then lets go and just kicks Kendrick in the back like a dick. Maybe he used his dick, I don't know. Wouldn't surprise me. Both men roll out and back into the ring, and Kash goes back to that leg submission. Kendrick kicks Kash off, attempts a kick but Kash catches it. Kendrick hits a monkey flip. Both men back up. Kendrick with some punchery. Kash headtosses Kendrick into the bottom rope. That looked like it hurt. Kash goes back to that leg submission, and the locks in a reverse figured four. Kendrick able to get the ropes. Kash with the stomp on the leg over the ropes, drags Kendrick to the middle of the ring for some kicks and a cover for two. Kash covers again, then again. Each time only getting two. Kash has Kendrick in the corner for some boots, but Kendrick fights back with punchery and an armdrag into a two count. Kendrick with a headbutt, then another. Dude, that only works for Big Show. Kash falls outside. Kendrick goes to suplex Kash over the ropes to the inside, but Kash flips over. Kash attempts a rollup, but Kendrick rolls through and covers for two. Kickout. Kendrick hits a cradle suplex for a two count. Kendrick signals for Sliced Bread #2, which I guess is what they're calling his finisher in the corner, but Kash holds on, and Kendrick flips over to his own two feet. Kash hits a baseball kick to the shin, hops up to the corner and hits the moonsault for the three count. Doesn't anyone that wrestles on HEAT watch Velocity? Anyone?
Jake The Snake DVD commercial. Remember when I was praising the online shows for having alot of wrestling and no commercials? Yeah... me too.
SECOND MATCH THAT SHOULD NEVER BE.
Out first is TRIPLE B'S MOST HATED WRESTLER, Sylvan. His opponent is WORST JOBBER NAME EVER? is jobber Joey Ryan. Speaking of gay, I have the gayest ringer set for my best friend's phone number ever. I felt I should share that as he called me. Sylvan and Joey circle, lock up. Sylvan drives Joey into the corner. Gay. Clean break. Sylvan with a headlock takedown and a headlock, because lord knows we need a rest hold alreday. Joey kicks him off, and Sylvan kips up. If you haven't noticed, I don't like Sylvan. Sylvan with an armlock from behind. That's where he likes to be. Joey punches Sylvan, so Sylvan slaps him. Men do not slap you homo. Sylvan with some punchery, shoots Joey to the ropes, but Joey kicks him in the face. Joey back to the ropes, and Sylvan hits a one handed slam and kicks him out of the ring. Sylvan shoots him back in the ring.. as a "Joey!" chant starts up. Sylvan poses, so the fans can now boo him. Sylvan shoots Joey to the corner, hits a knee lift and a backdrop suplex for two. Sy;van then locks in a chinlock as we hear an even louder "Joey" chant. They love Friends. Sylvan goes for a knee drop, but misses. Sylvan charges the corner, but misses, Joey hits a schoolboy for two. Joey hits two dropkicks, roars in the air as the crowd is REALLY behind him. Joey upstairs for the high flying crossbody. But Sylvan rolls through for a one count. Sylvan has him up, hits a DDT for the three count. The crowd was SOLIDLY behind Joey there. I'm not sure if because the home town knows him, or because they think Sylvan is gay. Like me. And Sylvan's mom. Sylvan is on the steel stairs as some girl that the WWE planted takes pictures of him. Sylvan flirts with her, to make us all think he ISN'T gay. The girl was pretty hot though. A hot redhead.
Wrestlemania Boxed Set commercial.
Ok. The reason for all the gay jokes on Sylvan, is because if you noticed in the TNA Funeral from a few weeks ago, the book was signed by various couples, one being "Pat and Sylvan." Apparently there was a rumor that in order for Sylvan to get his job, he had to sleep with.... Pat Patterson. Pat is openly gay, which I don't have a problem with. Sylvan however, I just hate with all my being, so I'm gonna call him gay at ever possible opportunity. Double standard? Probably. Make me giggle? Sure.
Giggle all gay like.
3RD MATCH THAT... WAIT... IS THIS HEAT?
Ok. You remember those two musclebound guys that were interfering in tag matches on Smackdown? Well, there was a debate if they were the Shane Twins or the Tolands. They are in fact, the Tolands. the Shane Twins are alot taller, and fatter. Now, guess what they're calling the Tolands? The Dicks. That's right. They are getting called The Dicks... and they are dressing like Chipendale's dancers.
Out first sort of is A PAIR OF SHORT DICKS. They're opponents are THE JOBBER VERSION OF THE HEARTHROBS... and WAIT... THAT' WOULD BE THE HEARTHROBS, James Prentice and Kevin Antonio. Antonio and uh... I can't tell these Dicks apart, so to confuse everyone but me, I will be calling them BOTH dicks. How's THAT! Wait. This one is Chad. Lock up into the corner, Chad kicks Antonio to the midsection, tag out to James Dick. Antonio hits an arm drag. Matthews: " I don't know too much about The Dicks." Liar. Antonio attempts an armllock, but James punchest out. Whip to Antonio. James just elbows him down and tags Chad in. Whip to Antonio face first into Chad's boot. Cover for one. Chad hits a knee drop, tag to James. James is whopped into Antonio hard. Romero: "James Dick whipped HARD into Antonio!" James has a front face lock, then tags out to Chad. Chads hits some elbows, then locks in a chokehold. So far, I am not impressed with The Dicks. Tag out to James, who hits a knee drop and then goes to teh ropes to hit a running kick to the face for two. Picks Antonio up and head tosses him back down. Returning to teh chokehold. Is this HEAT? All we need is a 500 pound fat black man. Antonio elbows up, attempts to get over to tag in Prentice, and he does. James hits a dropkick on Prentice, tags out to Chad. Both Dicks in, pick up Prentice for some sort of double team manuever that none of us present know the name of. That gets the three count. They then toss Antonio back in the ring. They then hit.... AMW's double team finisher where one Dick holds the guy around his waist, and the other guy comes off the turnbuckle with a leg drop. Chad then covers Antonio, and James counts another three count.
Does WWE think that by just sending guys out there similar to TNA guys, that people will think that TNA is ripping THEM off?
Divas Uncovered commercial.
YOUR MAIN EVENTAH!
I was supposed to be at my parent's house an hour ago. Sigh... Romero and Matthews talk about stuff, which means there's gonna be a video package... oh! It's of MNM vs. Batista/Eddie. Yippie.
Out first is HE'S A MAN, WHAT A MAN WITH THAT ROBE and NOT QUITE A FULL MAN UNTIL I GET MY ROBE. They are William Regal and Paul Burchill. Their opponets are WE CUT, WE MOW, WE RAKE, the Mexicools. I guess Super Crazy and Psicosis are gonna be our competitors now. Is anyone else REALLY hoping that there is some sort of interaction between the Mexicools and Kerwin white at Survivor Series, where the Mexicools chase Kerwin with their mowers and him in his golf cart? No? Oh.... well then....
Everyone is in the ring and uppity. "Juventude!" chant in the crowd. I may have spelled that wrong. Oh well. So are the Mexicools faces now? Regal and Super Crazy to start. Regal with teh arm wringer, but Super Crazy flips Regal out of it. Tag out to Burchill. "Super Crazy" chant. We have ourselves a test of strength, but Burchill kicks Crazy to teh midsection like a good heel. Burchill with some punchery, and shoots Crazy to the ropes, but Crazy comes back with a flippy armdrag, then a monkey flip. Super Crazy hits a sweet hurcanarana, rolls out, drop kicks Burchill to the head and covers for two. That was sweet, and the crowd liked it too. Tag out to Psicosis. Crazy and Psicosis do that flip over slam from the mat that is standard knowledge to all Mexican wrestlers. Psicosis covers for two. Psicosis goes for a whip, but Burchill reverses into a knee lift. Burchill picks Psicosis up for a bodyslam, but Psicosis rolls out, pushes Burchill to the ropes for the roll up, but Regal kicks him in the face. Burchill goes for an elbow drop, but misses. Hits the next one for two. Tag out to Regal. Regal abuses Psicosis for awhile, then hits a SWEET capture suplex. Tag out to Burchill. Burchill abuses him abit, tags back out to Regal. Regal attempts to lock in the masterlock! Gimmick infringement! No wait... this one is actually cool, cause he hits a full nelson suplex on Psicosis. Covers for two. Tag out to Burchill. The crowd is attempting to get behind the Mexicools as Burchill chokes out Psicosis with the ropes. Burchill with some punchery and a suplex for two. Burchill picks Pyscosis up and tags out to Regal. Psicosis is able to get the hot tag to Super Crazy, who comes in and cleans house. Drop kick for Regal. One for Burchill. Another for Regal. Boot for Burchill. Forward slam on Regal. Super Crazy up top for the moonsault on Regal. Gets a two count, but Burchill breaks the count. Super Crazy attempts a sunset flip on Regal, Regal holds on, but Psicosis hits a springboard dropkick to knock Regal over and Super Crazy gets the three count. Nice tag match.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I love Velocity so much more then HEAT. Or even RAW for that matter.