11/19 VELOCITY REBEAK



BLOGGING IT UP: I went to Kareoke last night, and tore the place down. I take sad, sad, satisfaction in the fact that I can sing any Elvis song better then three other men twice my age, and their women who are half their age then want to sing something with ME. Take THAT age and experience!

PRE VELOCITY: Looks like we're going to continue the week of Eddie with the same stuff as they had on HEAT. Although, there might be a reshown match this time. I would have actually prefered if they had put up a couple classic Eddie matches on HEAT and Velocity, but it's ok. Anything Eddie is fine by me.

OPENING RECAP

NOT TAZZ and NOT MICHAEL COLE are Steve Romero and Josh Matthews introduce themselves in the WWE Studios, and basically say what I just said. We take another look at Batista's speech from Smackdown. I liked the way that Cena and Batista laid down their belts this week in tribute. Classy.

Interview with Dean Malenko about Eddie. Like on HEAT, I... I just can't transcribe every word these guys are saying. I'd take away too much of their emotion with my words.

SECOND RECAP

More words from Eddie on his family. Then, we get the monkey story. Basically, the monkey story is where Eddie wrestled a stuffed monkey in front of his family in his living room. As simple as that sounds, from the interviews with his family about this, it kind of looks like it was a big deal for everyone. Eddie wrestles this monkey, but I guess whoever was controlling the monkey, had the monkey roll up Eddie for a fast three count. So Eddie Guerrero's first match... was against a monkey... and he lost... to a monkey.

Lillian Garcia talks about Eddie. She ends it with something in Spanish, that I have no idea what she said. For all I know, she just gave me her phone number.

I doubt it though...

THIRD RECAP

Vince McMahon's words on Eddie, and he breaks down a little bit, trying to hold back tears. We go back to more of the Eddie DVD commentary about him wrestling at his dad's shows during intermission. And that brings us to... a match?!?!?!

Chavo Vs. JBL. We start out halfway in as Chavo goes to the ropes and hits a headscissors takedown. Chavo back to the ropes, but JBL picks Chavo up. Chavo counters with a tornado DDT for a two count. Chavo is outside, and grabs two chairs. Chavo slides one in, distracting the ref. Chavo doesn't hit JBL, but tosses it to him. JBL is caught with it by the ref as Chavo lays out, acting hurt. As the ref turns his back to toss the chair back outside, Chavo low blows JBL, and hits the Three Amigos. Tazz: "I got goosebumps, Cole." Me too. Chavo points skyward and goes up top. HUGE Eddie chants from the crowd. Chavo jumps off, hitting the frog splash on JBL for the three count. Everyone... SHIMEY! We finish up with Chavo thanking the fans from in the ring.

YOUR MAIN EVENTAH! RECAP

Uh... we start right out with what looks like Eddie and Chavo Vs Edge and Rey Mysterio from Survivor Series. Eddie has Edge in the corner and tags in Chavo. Chavo with a snapmare and a dropkick for one. Double team whip to the ropes on Edge, but Edge counters.. Hot tag to Rey. Rey with a springboard crossbody on Chavo. Eddie and Chavo attempt to double team Rey, but Rey headscissors Chavo, and gets some punchery on Eddie into the corner. Chavo misses a splash on Rey, hitting Eddie. Edge with the spear on both Guerreros. Eddie put up top, and Rey hits a hurcanarana off the turnbuckle for two, broken up by Chavo. Edge shoves Eddie to the ropes, where he hits the second rope, and bounces off to the opposite side. Edge sets Eddie up, and Rey hits the 619. Rey goes for a springboard move, but Chavo hits Rey with the Tag belt. Eddie locks in a modified Texas cloverleaf on Rey, who taps out, and Los Guerreros win the Tag-Team Championship.

Los Guerreros skit where they con the old lady to "fix" her pool. Wasn't this on HEAT? I still want to know how they decorated the backyard and everything. She must be Eugene's grandma or something. We see some more fan mail about Eddie.

Recap of the JBL/Eddie feud. Eddie has JBL's hat! Heavens! JBL: "Don't you desicrate my hat!" That's sacreligious. JBL: "You are a discrace to America!" Eddie is the President? HIYO! We finish it all up with the newest Eddie video, with Three Doors Down.

FINAL THOUGHTS: It's been a tough week to be a recapper, especially with my gimmick of mocking alot of stuff. It's hard to find humor in all of this, but we'll all laugh again. I'll refrain from recapping some other random show that I'm watching, mostly because all that is on right now is the Hogan Knows Best episode where he beats up Hassan at Wrestlemania. I don't care who you are, and what you think about Hogan. Hulk Hogan shouldn't be used like that. There is no reason for Hulk Hogan to come out and beat down a new and upcoming wrestler. Especially someone that had potential, as Hassan did. Hogan coming back for a match with HBK, that's fine. HBK won't be hurt by jobbing out to Hogan. Hogan beating up Hassan made no sense. And to further my anger towards Hogan, the episode where Hogan goes out with his wife, and leaves his children in the hands of Brian Knobbs... shows that Hogan must have killed a few brain cells somewhere. Maybe Andre smothered him once in the ring, causing a lack of oxygen to get to his brain. Serisouly... Brian KNOBBS? Why not just have Brutus Beefcake cut their hair, and IRS do their friggin taxes...

Cheese and Rice.