11/26 VELOCITY REBEAK



BLOGGING IT UP: I'm supposed to list things I like... I'll start of easy.

BRAD LIKES
Chess
Boobies
Chocolate Chip Cookies

PRE VELOCITY: So, the fan site has a new layout. I think it looks spiffy. I'm talking about the fan site over at http://fans.thevwf.net. No pink involved.

OPENING MATCH

Out is I WISH I HAD A CURE FOR VISCERA, OH YEAH, IT'S VELOCITY is Simon Dean. He has no motoscotter thing, he has one of those skateboards with the handles on them. Eugene must have taken it home with him when he went to rehab. *Rimshot* I have Christian's theme music blaring, so I miss what Simon Dean says on the mic. Presumably something about us all being fatties. Or the English are fatties. His opponent is I'M A BLIMEY JOBBER, MATE, Taylor Phoenix from the land of the British, who fucking cheered Viscera. I hope Germany attacks them again so I can tell my electred officials to let England go fuck themselves. You will never live this down, people. Until RAW returns to the States, and I remember that us Americans are fucking idiots too, and cheer Viscera. Wait... this isn't HEAT.

I'm supposed to be more positive on THIS show. Dean allows Taylor to introduce himself as being from Sheffield. Apparently that's all he wants to say on the mic, cause Dean slaps him, and hits some punchery and a bodyslam as the bell sounds. Dean with more kicking and punchery, picks up Taylor and hits a big forearm to take him down. Dean picks Taylor up, shoots him to the ropes and goes for an armdrag, but Taylor blocks it and hits one of his own, then a Japanese armdrag. Dean charges, misses... something... eats some punches. Taylor to the ropes, slides under Dean's legs, but gets a hit with a hairpull takedown by Dean. Dean with some kickery in the corner, then choking him out with the foot. Dean finally takes off his warm up top, then totally turns around and tells the ref he won't kick Taylor anymore, and mule kicks him right away. Awesome. Dean picks Taylor up, attempts a suplex but Taylor blocks it. Dean shoves Taylor back into the corner, but Taylor hits a kick to the midsection and some punchery, smashes Dean's head to the turnbuckle, and shoots Dean to the opposite turnbuckle. Dean reverses, and Taylor hops up and attemptsa a flip over crossbody, but Dean channels Samoa Joe and just walks away. Taylor hits nothing but mat. Sweet. Dean with a running elbow drop and some push-ups, then locks in a front face lock. The crowd encourages Taylor to get up, Taylor elbows out, goes to the ropes and gets hit with a drop toe kick from Simon. Simon locks in his springboard submission, and covers WHILE DOING PUSH-UPS! SIMON DEAN IS MY NEW HERO! It gets a two count, and Dean goes back to a headlock. Taylor up with some punches to the midsection, gets Dean to the corner, but Dean turns it around, shoots Taylor to the corner NO, Taylor gets a boot up, and catches Dean with it. That looked HARD. Dean hits an elbow to take Taylor down, then some kicks and an abdomible stretch. That kick to the head looked sick man. Dean's hair is also out of hand. Dean with some knees to the midsection, attempts a suplex but Taylor hits one instead. Taylor continues to battle back with punchery and a standing drop kick. Another dropkick. Taylor attempts to shoot Dean to the ropes, but Dean reverses, but Taylor hits a SWEET looking cross-body/clothesline on Dean for a two count. Both men back up. Taylor looks pumped, hits a couple elbows, goes to the ropes, but Simon stops Taylor with a bicicle kick. Simon hits his inverted swinging neckbreaker for the three count. Why can't they NAME finishers? Is it too much to ask? It makes it a little more special. But aside from that, that was a really good mat based match. Not alot of glitz, but enough back and forth that made it interesting. You don't need to SQUASH a jobber. He can get some offense in. I've noticed jobbers getting more offense lately.

Bret Hart DVD Commercial

SECOND MATCH ON THIS GLORIOUS VELOCITY

Ah crap. It's EVEN IN ENGLAND I'M GAY! is Sylvan. His opponent is IN JAPAN, WE CALL YOU "GAY-SHA" is Funaki. Why doesn't the WWE Fantasy League count wins on HEAT and Velocity? The two get in the ring... Sylvan takes off his coat all sexily. Gay. Lockup and Sylvan shoves Funaki off and gives himself a hand. Yeah, big man. Beating on midget Asians. Funaki slaps Sylvan, and the two run around the ring, Funaki to the ropes, Sylvan leapfrogs over Funaki, and Funaki slaps Sylvan again. Sylvan is all "No you dinna!" and they run around the ring again. This time Sylvan catches that whiley wabbit, and slaps Funaki, hits some punchery and shoots him to the ring stairs hard. Sylvan back in, comes back out, and hits a snake eyes on Funaki onto the steel steps. Sylvan back in the ring as the ref begins the count. Sylvan goes out and rolls Funaki back in to cover for two. Both men back up. Funaki attempts to fight back, but Sylvan puts a stop to that, and shoots Funaki to the corner, then shoots him to the opposite corner. Sylvan locks in a bear hug. Funaki able to fight out, but Sylvan punches him down and shoots him to the corner again. Sylvan charges, but Funaki gets a boot up. Sylvan goes in again, and this time catches the foot, brings Funaki out in the ring, and Funaki hits the enzugariri (sp?). Funaki with some punches, and to the ropes for a clothesline. Funaki with teh drop kick, shoots Sylvan to the turnbuckle and hits the bulldog for a two count. Funaki back up, and goes to the turnbuckle. This won't work. Funaki comes off with a high cross-body block for a two count. Huh... it worked. Sort of. Funaki still in control as he smashes Sylvan's head to the corner once, twice, three times. Funaki up top, looking for the tornado DDT after another punch. THIS won't work. Sylvan shoves Funaki off grabs him and hits a DDT for the three count. It's called the "Showoff?" We have a name for a fucking DDT, but not Dean's finisher? Shenanigans. It was still better then all Viscera matches but together.

Shawn Michaels book commercial.

IS THIS THE FORMAT? RECAPS?

Recap of the JBL/Mysterio Vs. Regal/Burchill match from Smackdown. Team RAW attacks. Smackdown midcard attacks. Mars attacks. Bees attack. On Fox. This Tuesday. Check your local listings. Everyone goes home happy.

YOUR MAIN EVENTAH! RECAP

Out first is 487 GERBILS DIED TO MAKE THESE JACKETS accompanied by WHY DON'T I KIDNAP BRAD INSTEAD. They are MNM. They also come out first, becaues either of one of two reasons...

A: Tradition is dead.
B: In England they do it backwards.

Take your pick. Their opponets are WE RUN, WE FLIP, WE JOB FOR YOUR PLEASURE are Brian Kendrick and Paul London. This is for the belts I believe. Mercury and Kendrick to start out. Lockup, Mercury with the side headlock, goes to the ropes and hits a shoulderblock on Kendrick. Mercury misses an elbow drop, and Kendrick gets an armdrag. Mercury shoots Kendrick to the ropes, goes for a hip toss, but it's blocked. Brian tries one, it's blocked. Mercury tries one. It's blocked. Is the video skipping? Kendrick flips over, and then monkey flips Mercury, and hits two armdrags and locks in a headlock, but Mercury shoves Brian back to his corner and tags in Nitro. Brian with an amrdrag on Nitro, tags in London. Double team hip toss on Nitro, double team kick gets a one count. Nitro fights back with punchery, shoots London to the opposite corner. London with the mushroom stomp and an armdrag. Is there some British law that there must be at least 900 arm drags per show? Tag out to Brian, who comes off the top turnbuckle with a doubel ax-handle drop. Tag out to London, who hits the same thing. Tag out to Brian who hits another ax-handle drop. Seriously... is the video SKIPPING? I rewind, and no it's not. Apparently we're going everything three times today. Double team back elbow to Nitro, Brian gets a splash for a two count, broken up by Mercury. Nitro is able to muscle Brian up, tags in Mercury, who goes for the same ax-handle drop, but hits Nitro on mistake. Mercury attempts a backdrop suplex on Brian, but Brian flips over. Mercury to the ropes and bails. Brian with a baseball slide, misses, Mercury attempts to back body drop him back to the apron, but Brian hits the ropes, comes back and hits a headscissors. Nitro is over to argue the point, but London hits a slingshot springboard somersault plancha on both M and N. That was sweet. London and Brian put Mercury bacj in the ring. Shoot him to the corner. London with a flying forearm. Brian with the Whispers in the Wind. Double team dropkick for two. Brian has a side headlock, Mercury gets him in the corner and gets some punchery to break it up, shoots Brian back to the same corner, attempts a charge but misses. Brian kicks Mercury back, Nitro grabs Brian, London is in and shoves Nitro off. Melina low blows Brian, and Mercury pulls him back in the ring. Tag out to Nitro. Double team leg drop for a two count. Nitro has Brian back up, tag in to Mercury, double team gutbuster, and Mercury with some mounted punches. Mercury with a mini-mushroom stomp on Brian for a two count. Tag out to Nitro. Brian is in the corne, gets some shoulder blocks from Mercury. Nitro flips around on his head, and hits a splash on Brian for a two count. Nitro gets a facelock, but Brian muscles out and hits a jawbreaker. Mercury comes in, stops Brian from making the hot tag. Mercury attempts a neckbreaker, but Brian hits a shin kick and tags in London. London with elbows to Nitro. Dropsault to Mercury. Spinning heel kick to Nitro. Hurcanarana to Mercury. Takedown on Nitro. Front flip senton on Mercury gets a two count, but Nitro breaks it up. Double team whip to London. London bails out of the ring, and Brian hits a cross body on both of them. Brian with a kneelift to Mercury. Attempts the bulldog off the turnbuckle on Nitro, but Nitro dumps him. Snakeyes hit on London, MNM hits the Snapshot on London for the three count, and they retain the belts. Good tag match.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I love Velocity so much more then HEAT.